What To Talk To A Girl About With A Girl You Like – Conversation Tips
Guys who come to me for dating advice frequently ask me what to talk to a girl about – the conversational topics that women enjoy discussing, so that it’s possible to approach them and get an interaction going without any awkwardness (and without having to resort to using corny pick up lines).
Knowing what to talk to a girl about is certainly important if you’re going to score phone numbers and dates, but more important than the actual topics of conversation are the underlying dynamics. In order to talk to women and successfully, you need to first understand how ATTRACTION works, and how to use certain emotional “triggers” and “buttons” when you talk to girls. What you want to avoid is standard “small talk” that she hears from every other desperate dude who tries to talk to her. You want to be confident, playful and flirtatious.
On a subconscious level, women are looking for a man to mate with, one who possesses good genetic qualities and is masculine enough to protect her and their offspring. Protecting her doesn’t necessarily have anything to do with physical strength. A Mack radiates strength through his words and actions.
For instance, demonstrating that you are decisive is a very important way to convey strength. Loyalty and commitment are other forms of strength.
These are things you should imply rather than say outright. By telling her a quick little story about how you came through for a friend of yours—because you’re committed to your friends, and you feel loyalty is important— you’re planting seeds in her mind that you possess these qualities. This type of story can be simple, and you can tell it at any time. You don’t need to wait until the subject of loyalty comes up. Just create your own segue.
Here’s an example:
HER: “My job has been so crazy lately (blah blah blah…)”
YOU: “I’ve also been busy with some projects. And on top of that, my friend Michelle asked me to help her move on Sunday. She asked me to come to her place at 7 in the morning to help her load a truck full of her stuff. I know I’ll be totally exhausted, but she’s been there for me in the past and she’s earned a place in my inner circle. So I told her I’d help, and I don’t break commitments.”
There it is. You stressed how much you value loyalty and commitment.(You also pointed out that you’ve got female friends in your inner circle, which implies that you’re popular among women.) Plant these seeds, and she’ll take note of them.
Women are always filtering our words and actions through their mental computers. And don’t forget, while we’re always looking for reasons to qualify attractive women, their minds are searching for reasons to disqualify us. Remember what we said about women having this natural defense mechanism.
If we meet a good-looking girl, we’ll often overlook the deficiencies in her character and her personality, or habits of hers that we would never tolerate in our guy friends (or an unattractive girl), because we’re focused on getting her into bed or dating her. Women, on the other hand, seek to disqualify men.
You could have highly attractive qualities—whether it’s your physical appearance, your job, or your sense of humor—but if you show weakness in a certain area, she may mentally disqualify you in an instant.
Some guys trigger all kinds of “red flags” when they talk to women, and never realize where they went wrong. Have you ever been on a date that you thought went well, and even though you didn’t hook up at the end of the night, you figured there was a serious possibility that she would become your next girlfriend? But when you called her to arrange a second date, she was suddenly extremely “busy” and couldn’t commit to making any plans—or didn’t return your phone call?
That sort of thing used to happen to me all too often. I couldn’t understand how a girl that seemed so enthusiastic about me the night before, would shut me out the next day.
It’s now clear to me what I had done on those dates that had caused women to disqualify me. I’m able to identify the things I did, and said, that raised little red flags in her mind. Sometimes, one is all it takes for her to dismiss you and move onto the next.
Women disqualify men for instinctive reasons all the time. The other day, I was talking to a female friend of mine, Christine, about a blind date she’d been on the night before. She said the guy had been sweet, funny, generous and quite handsome. He brought her flowers, and took her out to a restaurant where their dinner and wine cost over $150. But after they said goodnight, she had no desire to ever see him again. She’d disqualified him. I asked her why, and she couldn’t really explain. She said “I don’t know, I guess I just didn’t feel the right chemistry.”
I asked her to explain the date in detail, and it became obvious to me what he’d done to turn her off. He’d acted too eager. He told her, on that very first date, how he was looking for someone to settle down with. At the end of the date he told her “I really like you, and I think there might be potential for a relationship here.” Then he asked her if she was available the following night to go out again.
He thought he was being sincere and honest. But what he was actually doing was surrendering control. He was letting her know, “I’m yours if you want me, now it’s up to you.”
To Christine, he no longer presented any sort of challenge. Also, by trying to set up a date for the following night, her mind registered another red flag—that he might be the clingy, possessive type who constantly wanted to be with her, because he had little else going on.
If a guy broadcasts the message that he is totally, utterly single, without another women in his life, how desirable can he be? Women will wonder,” What’s the catch?” There must be something about him that turns women off—possibly a very serious flaw. Most women would rather cut him loose than stick around and find out what his personal issues are.
One of the themes you’ll find throughout this book is that by limiting your availability to women, you make yourself more attractive. Once you’ve built a relationship with a girl and connected with her on an intimate level, you can spend more time with her and make yourself more available. But in those opening stages, when her female intuition is on high alert and trying to determine her level of attraction towards you, always being available can killer interest. Don’t be an open book; present an element of intrigue and mystery.
In reality, the concept of “chemistry” is nonsense. It’s a figment of the female imagination. As a Mack, you can manufacture a sense of chemistry and make her feel that it exists between the two of you. By simply applying the right Tactics, you can make her feel like you’re the guy she was” destined” to meet.
How 2 Talk 2 Girls: Pick-Up Lines vs. Intros
Ask the average guy what’s stopping him from approaching that slamming chick across the room, and his answer will probably be along the lines of, “I don’t know what to say to her.” It’s that opening movie, the ice breaker, that paralyzes him from taking action.
There are a million bad “pick-up lines” out there; most of them are so corny that they’re not meant to be taken seriously. Some of the more clever ones might make her chuckle, but the conversation usually won’t go much farther than that. In her mind, when you use an obvious pick-up line you’ve just joined the pack of five hundred other guys who have tried to approach her and crapped out.
So, how do you make your opening move? The simplest way to “meet” her is to make eye contact with her from across the room and flash her a friendly smile. If you’re having a drink, raise your glass to her and smile before taking a sip. If she smiles back, the door is open. This way, when you eventually approach her (or position yourself near her), you’ve already met in a sense. But wait to make that move. Don’t make a beeline for her the moment she returns your eye contact and smile. The Mack is never in a hurry to work his magic.
When it comes to starting the encounter, some so-called experts say you shouldn’t tell her your name right off the bat. They claim that you should say hello, but wait until she tells you her name before you give up yours. If she does offer her name, their theory goes, you then know that she is genuinely interested in knowing you. Then you proceed from there.
This is a defeatist attitude. You’re waiting for the go-ahead instead of taking command. Whenever a Mack steps to a girl, he knows he is the one running the show. He never comes off cocky or arrogant, but is confident in the knowledge that he’s the one dictating how the encounter will proceed.
When dealing with women you’re trying to build a relationship with, never for permission. When you ask for permission, you’re giving her the option of saying “no.” You also want to maintain a sense of control; maintain the attitude that you’re letting her be a part of your world, not hoping to be apart of hers.
Remember, this attitude carries over beyond the initial approach.
Never ask, “excuse me, do you mind if I ask you something?”
Never ask, “Can I buy you a drink?”
Never ask, “So can I call you sometime?”
Never ask, “Do you want to go back to my place?”
Tell her your name, look her in the eye and smile, and shake her hand. We call this the “three-point intro.” This is the single greatest way to convey your self-confidence. Your name is who you are, and you are a person worth knowing.
“Hi, my name is Dean. I noticed your outfit—you look great tonight, Just wanted to tell you that.”
What To Talk To A Girl About: The “Female Perspective” Approach
Here’s a clever approach that can be highly effective. It’s an especially strong ice-breaker if you want to approach a group of females, which is normally an awkward situation.
Let’s say you’re in a club and you spot a hammer you want to talk to, butte’s surrounded by three girlfriends. You walk up to them, flashing a friendly smile, and you say…
“Hey, I have to get back to my buddies in a minute, I just need to get a quick female perspective on something…”
Now, you tell them a quick story and get their opinion on it. (Don’t lurk on the perimeter of the group; step in towards them.) If the story involves cheating, 9 out of 10 women will have an immediate response and it will spark an interesting conversation.
You could say…
“My friend Mike is dating this girl and somehow she found out the code for the voicemail on his phone. She checked his voicemail and heard a message from some other girl, telling Mike it was great to see him the other day and she wants to see him again soon, yada yada. So, Mike’s girlfriend confronted him about it. He told her the message was totally innocent, it was an old friend that he used to go to school with and they ran into each other on the street. Just a friend—that’s all. Mike was actually pretty upset with his girlfriend for checking his voicemail, he felt it was an invasion of his privacy. So my question is, do you think she had the right to check his voicemail? I mean, would you go checking your boyfriend’s voicemail if you found out his code?”
Get the opinions of the group and let it flow. If the purpose of your approach was to get to know one of the girls in the group, don’t make it obvious who your target is. Talk to them as a group, and after the conversation flows for a couple of minutes, introduce yourself by name and get their names. Then you can start subtly shifting your attention towards the girl you are interested in.
You can come up with endless variations on this “cheating story.” (Instead of checking his voicemail, the girl in the story could have found out his email password.)
Another spin on the story:
“I have to get back to my friends, but let me ask you real something real quick because I need some female advice. My buddy Mike has been dating this girl for a couple of months, and she’s really bothered by the fact that Mike has a close female friend he hangs out with sometimes. There’s nothing romantic going on between this other girl and Mike. They’ve been close friends ever since high school. But every time Mike gets a phone call or text message from her, his girlfriend gets really pissed off and jealous. So do you think it’s OK for a guy to maintain a friendship with a girl he’s known for a long time, even if his girlfriend tells him not to?”
The point of these stories isn’t to get into a debate or an extended discussion about boyfriends and girlfriends and cheating. The idea is to break the ice and get in the door, whether you’re approaching a solo girl or a group.
Talking about cheating with women is like throwing out a piece of bait that you know they’re going to snap up. Ask them why they feel the way they do, and express solidarity: “Yeah, I can see why you would feel that way.” “I guess you’re right. I hadn’t thought of it that way.” “Have you ever been in a situation like that?” Etc.
Now, notice the prefacing statement in the above stories. The approach begins with, “I have to get back to my friends in a minute (or a second), I just need to get a quick female perspective.”
Implying that your time is limited is very important. By establishing up front that you can only chat “for a minute,” you’re easing the main concern that women have when a guy they don’t know approaches them: that he’s going to start talking…and talking…and overstay his welcome.
Once you’re in the door and the conversation is flowing, you’re not going to leave after a minute to rejoin your friends. (Maybe you don’t even have any friends with you.) One of the big concerns women have, when it comes to chatting with a guy they don’t know, is that he’ll try to monopolize their time. This forces the woman to awkwardly excuse herself. (She’ll often use the line, “I have to go find my friends.”)
Also notice that with the above approach, you are not asking permission to get their perspective. You didn’t say, “excuse me, do you mind if I ask you a question?” Or, “do you mind giving me your female perspective on something?”
When you ask permission, you’re giving her the opportunity to turn you down—and women often will, rather than taking a chance on granting a stranger permission to enter their personal space.
So instead of asking permission, you mention how you need to get back to something in a second, you tell the girl (or the group) that you want to get a quick female perspective, and you launch into your story. A story that involves cheating or relationship drama is usually the right hook.
Or, you might try this one: “I’m planning a surprise birthday party for my friend Jeff, and I’m trying to decide between an 80s theme, or doing a Roman toga party thing. What do you think?”
Now transition it into a funny discussion on 80s music, and your favorite cheesy bands from that era…
“A toga party would rock, but I’m learning towards the 80s party because I’d get to be the DJ. I’m already imagining the play list on my iPod. Journey, Duran Duran, the Go-Gos, Bananarama, Men At Work…help me out girls, what groups am I forgetting?”
Now, let’s move on and I’ll give you some specific things to talk about with girls. Click on the image below and I’ll tell you what to talk to a girl about to make her smile, laugh and feel curiosity and attraction…