Learning how to talk with girls
When mastering the herculean task of learning how to talk with girls, it’s always helpful to believe it’s actually possible. Though I’m sure most of us would rather face fire-breathing dragons than work up the courage to approach a member of the female species, there are several helpful tips out there to help keep your cool with the ladies.
For most guys, building up the approach is usually the most difficult part in learning how to talk with girls, because, as a rule, feeling the nasty sting of rejection is a very real and familiar risk. But that only occurs because we tend to say things that might sound inappropriate to a girl, even when it’s not our intention at all to sound insensitive. As a result, we get blown off before we’re really given a chance to show how great we are at conversations, and there goes the past hour of working up your nerve to talk to her, right out the window.
Here’s something you certainly should remember when figuring out how to talk with girls: pay attention to what you say and the way you say it. Lose the ordinary pickup lines; she’s probably already heard it before. Instead of asking her “What’s a pretty thing like you doing on this side of town?” and conveying that you have little or no social value at all, try talking to people in the nearby area. She’ll notice that you are a member of a social circle, as opposed to the lonely guy hunched over by himself in his corner of the bar. This will show her you are socially valuable, and increase your appeal considerably. Remember, though, that this might not always apply to every situation. If you spot a girl going out for a jog, it would seem silly to chat up every single neighbor she passes simply to get her attention. Exude confidence and immediately dive into conversation with her.
Once you think you’re ready to approach her, go for it. Don’t apologize for coming over to talk to her. That might sound like an impolite way of starting a conversation, but believe me, apologizing to girls for talking to them means you are giving up control. Walk right over and say, “Hi, I was wondering if you could spare a second of your time? I would like to ask you…”, and then use that opening to get the wheels rolling.
Be a Master in Knowing How to Talk with Girls
When mastering how to talk with girls, never let her get the idea that you plan to spend the next three hours regaling her with stories of your Aunt Mildred’s knitting hobbies. Tell her that you only plan to stay for, say, the next five minutes. You might say something along the lines of “Hello, do you have two seconds?” or “I would like you to answer a question for me, it’ll only take a minute.”A definite timeframe (not very long, mind you) will increase the chances of her staying to listen to whatever you have to say. Once she does, however, it’ll take that crucial window of time to convince her to stay in the conversation for a little while longer.
During the conversation, don’t allow emphasis to remain on you (or her) alone. These is still in line with the social value principle, and trust me, it works. Talk about other people. For example, you would like to comment on a book she’s currently reading. Instead of saying, “Wow, I love John Grisham’s books, I find them very exciting!” say, “My friend Ben got me started on John Grisham and his novels. He says he finds them dull and uninteresting, but I read the books to see for myself. What do you think about his writing style?”
Another thing you should keep in mind when getting the hang of how to talk with girls is that you should be adept at steering the conversation. Don’t ask her yes/no questions, as those will have you scrambling to find something else to talk about, unless she expounds on her yes or no answers. Some of them might, but not all of them, so you might as well stay away from that risk. You may have been told, once, to make a list of possible topics to converse about with a girl, but that would kill any spontaneity on the spot. The trick to never running out of things to say is to listen carefully to what a girl is saying.
Let’s say that a girl tells you: “When I was five, I fell from a tree and broke my arm. I was in the hospital for days. My parents were distressed about it, but I thought it was kind of fun at the time.”
That statement alone has rich potential for follow-up. You might ask her what she was like when she was five, or if she still enjoys climbing trees and other athletic activities. If you think she’ll feel comfortable talking about it, ask her about her parents’ distress at the incident, and ask if they have overprotective tendencies. From there, let the conversation flow where it will. Yep, listening skills are important; that cannot be underscored enough.
One last tip for the average male learning how to talk with girls: be a fun guy. Engage your conversational partner. Entertain her. Pique her curiosity. She might not have felt any pull of attraction when you first walked into the room, but by the time you’ve got her laughing over silly anecdotes with you, or having a friendly argument on the social implications of divorce, there’s a higher chance of her appreciating how attractive you really are (do I really need to emphasize how big a bonus that is?). Acing how to talk with girls won’t seem so herculean then.