Knowing how to talk to women in a playful, interesting way is the key to building connections. This is a skill that VERY few guys possess. If you don’t believe me, just try listening to how the average guy at a bar or party tries to talk to girls, and you’ll see a clear example of how it shouldn’t be done.
The average guy will ask women the usual, predictable, boring “job interview” questions to try to find something he has in common with her.
He’ll ask things like, “So what’s your name?” “Where are you from?” “What do you do for a living?” etc.
After a few minutes of boring chit-chat, the girl will probably start feeling uncomfortable and look for an excuse to get out of there.
The bottom line is, if you want to be super-successful with women you’ve got to stop talking to them in the “usual” way. I’m going to give you some tested, proven techniques that you can use when you talk to girls. I’ll also share with you some cool topics that women naturally enjoy talking about, so that you’ll never have to struggle to figure out what to say next.
Most guys fumble when it comes to talking to women, and don’t have a clue what to talk about with a girl. This is especially true if the girl happens to be extremely cute, or if it’s a girl they’ve had a “crush” on for a while. Figuring out how to talk to a girl you like, so that the interest becomes mutual, can be particularly stressful.
But the thought of approaching a girl you like, and trying to spark a conversation, shouldn’t be any cause for concern. I can share with you a few simple tips so that you can approach girls and start conversations with confidence, and always have an idea of what to talk to a girl about.
The problem with most guys is that whether they’re trying to figure out what to talk about on a first date, or how to “break the ice” with a girl at a bar, they just don’t know how to carry on an effective conversation.
Sure, they’ll say stuff…and TRY to be charming and funny…but the conversation doesn’t go anywhere, and it never moves beyond the standard, predictable chit-chat. Certainly, it’s nothing that’s going to stimulate her and make her feel gut-level attraction.
Let me share a few tips on what to talk about with a girl. These tips are guaranteed to turbo-charge your conversations and make it easy for you to get her contact information and see her again…or even get her back to your place and into bed within a few hours, if you play your cards right!
The bottom line is this: you’ve got to strike her as being different from the last 37 guys who tried to approach her and talk to her. Knowing what to talk about with a girl begins with being original, so forget about trying to make “small talk” with her and go for the WIN. I’ll give you a few tips on how to make it happen.
Figuring Out What To Talk About With Women
Spend some time getting to know about her and share a few interesting details about yourself (your talents, ambitions, passions). To get her to share, use statements, stories and educated guesses instead of asking her predictable questions.
Predictable: “So where do you work?”
Unpredictable: “I bet you’re really good at what you do during the week, and then on the weekends you’ve got other interests that would probably surprise me.”
Or, “I’m going to guess that when you’re at your job, you?re super focused and great at what you do. But then on the weekends you know how to cut loose…”
Predictable: “So where are you from originally?”
Unpredictable: “You strike me as a girl who was probably born in a big city somewhere. You have this cool, sophisticated, metropolitan vibe.”
(Note: It doesn’t matter whether you are wrong or right. Either way, you’re flattering her and inviting her to fill in the blanks and tell you more.)
Predictable: “So what kind of movies do you like?”
Unpredictable: “My friend Mike has a big date tomorrow, the girl is coming over to his house and he’s cooking them dinner. He asked me which DVD they should watch after dinner. I was thinking something romantic and funny would be best. What do you think—do any romantic comedies come to mind?”
Remember, always have your own positive qualities ready to mention. This is one of the keys to learning how to talk to a girl you like. If she tells you about her job and how she’s passionate about it, now you can mention one of your passions. If you hate your job right now, don’t mention it! Bond with her over the fact that she’s passionate about her job, and you’re passionate about snowboarding. Or writing. Or travel. Here’s your opportunity to talk about your passion and use it as a way to connect with her.
Women are like talent scouts—they want to see your potential, and often that’s more important than where you are in life right now. As long as you can convey passion and exciting things you are working towards, they’ll be interested in going along for the ride.
This stage is also known as “comfort building.” She needs to feel comfortable with you before she starts feeling attraction. This means you want to keep the mood light, playful and positive. No depressing subjects. If your opener was about cheating & relationships, Step Two means you move past that and talk her about other topics that put her in a good mood, reveal that you have things in common with her, and that you appreciate and support the things she is doing in her life or working towards. Pay her thoughtful compliments (e.g. get her to reveal a passion of hers, and then tell her how cool you think that is).
Another tactic for “building the bond”: make plans to do things together in the future.
For example, plan a road trip: “I’m looking to another road trip soon. Have you ever done that? Packed up your car with a cooler full of food and beer, and hit the open road with your friends to go somewhere new and have an adventure?”
Then, make a “plan” to do the same with her. This plan will probably never happen—it can actually be crazy and ridiculous: “You would be an awesome road trip companion. So what’s a city you’ve always wanted to visit?”
She says, “New York.”
So I say, “OK, New York it is. We’ll want to do this trip in style, so we’ll rob a couple of banks along the way, like Bonnie & Clyde…then when we get to New York, we’ll get a penthouse at Trump Towers and we’ll party like rock stars.”
Or, talk about international travel…mention some amazing destination you went to…and get her to reveal some exotic place she has always wanted to go to. Then make a “plan.” I met a girl recently who told me her dream was to go to Venice, Italy because her “hidden passion” was art. She worked some 9-to-5 corporate job, but her dream was to be a painter. So I said to her…
“OK, it’s a plan. You and me are going to Venice. I’ll support us by getting a job working as a gondolier, paddling tourists around the canal. You’ll work on your paintings, and eventually you’ll be hailed as the next Picasso and you’ll open your own gallery and we’ll live a life of luxury.”
The more ridiculous these “plans” sound, the better they work—because she’ll be more likely to play along and say “sure, why not! Sounds great!”
The idea is to get her in the mind-frame that the two of you are going to hang out in the future and have fun times and adventures together. It’s a way of building the idea in her mind that the two of you have a “relationship” now and it will go beyond tonight—even if you only met twenty minutes ago.
Getting her psyched up about going on some fun, crazy adventure also creates the perfect opportunity for you to start building physical contact with her. Give her a high-five. Ask her where she wants to travel to, and then give your own answer. Thumb wrestle her to decide where the two of you will go.
Knowing What To Talk About With A Girl Starts With Flipping “The Fun Switch”
What you’re doing here is injecting fun into the conversation in a huge way. My buddy Jon Sinn, the famed pickup artist, says “fun is the ultimate attraction switch.” And he’s right. The guy who makes her feel the most fun is usually the guy who has the best chance of taking her home, or seeing her again tomorrow.
Labeling is also part of this step. This means that you apply a “label” to her and reinforce to her that she’s a fun, spontaneous person who is up for new things. Talk to her about travel, make some vague “plan” with her, and then tell her she’s awesome because she’s a cool, spontaneous person and she’s not like most other girls who are uptight and can’t think outside the box.
In Robert Cialdini’s groundbreaking book “Influence: The Science Of Persuasion,” he writes about a psychological principle called Commitment & Consistency. This means that when we label someone a certain way and get them to agree (commit) to it, they will want to behave in a way that is consistent with that label.
So, when you talk about how cool she is for being spontaneous, she won’t want to act in a way that contradicts that label. This makes it a whole lot easier to persuade her to do “spontaneous” things with you tonight:
“I know you’re a super-spontaneous girl and there’s this awesome bar nearby…we should totally grab a drink there because my friend Joe is bartending tonight. Let’s go.”
“It’s cool that you’re always up for having fun, because on Friday night my friend is throwing a party and it’s going to be awesome. I’ll pick you up at eight o’clock and we’ll have a really fun time.”
Normally, with a guy she just met, inviting her to these places might cause her to pause and think about reasons not to go along. But when you “label” her as fun, or adventurous, or free-spirited and reference this from time to time during the conversation…she’ll be much more likely to act in a way that matches that label.
You can label her in all sorts of other ways. For example, if you like going to the beach, and she expresses how much she loves the beach, then you can tell her “I can’t remember the last time I met a girl who loves the beach as much as I do. That’s awesome that you love the beach. We’ve got to go to the beach one of these weekends.”
Notice, you said “one of these weekends.” You didn’t specifically say “next Saturday.” Since this sounds totally harmless and vague, she’s bound to say “sure, that sounds like fun.”
Although this plan may never happen in reality, these language tactics strengthen your bond with her. It feels to her like a relationship is developing. This isn’t just ordinary small talk between two strangers at a bar; the two of you have plans to do cool things together.
All you need to do is find out an interest you’ve got in common. Then label her. Play up how cool it is that she loves the same thing that you do. Then tell her (don’t ask her) that the two of you are going to hang out and enjoy that activity together.
How 2 Talk To Girls Secret Strategy: “Build Compliance”
Another part of this step is building compliance. This is a Negotiator strategy: frame yourself as the leader, and frame her as the follower. Get her comfortable with the idea of you leading the way. Have her grant you small requests at first, which will make her more willing to grant you bigger requests later. Program her to comply with you.
For example, you could be talking to a girl at a bar or club. Then you say…
“I’ll be back in a sec, stay right here.”
Or, “Stay here for a minute, don’t move. I need to go say hello to someone real quick.”
“Hold my drink for a minute, I need to step outside and make a quick phone call.”
These “requests” don’t sound like a big deal. And they’re not. But what you’re doing is building compliance. Most guys behave in an opposite manner; they’re trying to comply with whatever the girl wants. (Asking her, “Do you want to sit down?” “Do you need a drink?” “Do you want to go somewhere else?” etc.)
Instead, you want to be the one leading the interaction and having her comply with you. Women feel comfortable around men who take charge and lead. This has nothing to do with acting macho or aggressive. One of the best compliance-building tactics is to simply take her by the hand and lead her to another area of the bar or club. Instead of asking her, “Do you want to go find a place to sit?”, you take her by the hand, say “C’mon, let’s find a seat,” and lead her there.
You can also do this if she says she needs to go to the ladies’ room. Instead of her walking away, and you standing there alone waiting for her to return, take her by the hand and lead her to the ladies’ room. While she’s in there doing her business, strike up a conversation with whoever is nearby. When she comes back out, she should see you talking to someone (which builds up your social value).
When trying to figure out what to talk about with a girl, my number one rule is simply this: never let her think you have NOTHING else going on in your life. Don’t project the image of a typical single, over-eager guy who is desperate to hold onto her attention. Show some playful, cocky confidence and use the techniques explained in the book “Mack Tactics” (download it free at the bottom of this page) and you’ll not only know what to talk about with a girl — you’ll know how to guide the interaction anywhere you want it to go. No longer will you need to rack your brain for ideas on what to talk to a girl about…
What To Talk About With A Girl (After You Break The Ice)
So you made your intro, and now the two of you are chatting. This convo is how it all begins. It’s the delicate dance in which you must present yourself in the best possible light, get a read on this woman you’re dealing with, and begin to guide the encounter.
Remember, knowing how to guide the conversation is just as important as knowing what to talk about with a girl.
The average guy won’t attempt to control the conversation; he “goes with the flow.” He figures as long as he can figure out things to talk about with a girl, he’s doing okay. But “going with the flow” usually means the conversation stays stuck in neutral. It’s only a matter of time before it runs out of gas. When it does, if this is a girl he just met, she’s going to figure out a way to excuse herself.(“I need to go find my friend” is a classic.)
Instead, you want to shift this conversation into high gear right from the start—and control the tempo and the topics.
Now, when we say “control,” we don’t mean “dominate.” You’re not running your mouth or telling long-winded stories. You’re never coming off as aggressive or overbearing, which are signs of desperation.
Your goal is to guide the conversation without her knowing it. You will steer it in a direction that builds a bridge between you and her, creating a subliminal (and eventually a physical) bond.
Instead of wasting time with superficial small talk, every story you tell, and question you ask, should have a purpose—whether it’s to strengthen the bond, gather Intell about her, draw attention to your positive qualities, or amplify her attraction towards you.
Always keep Mack Commandment #8 in mind: “Three-Quarters of Macking is Listening.” When you assume the role of the listener, instead of the talker, she reads you as a cool, nonchalant guy who’s sincerely interested in her and isn’t trying to make anything happen.
Your vibe should say, “I could be chatting with any girl in the room right now, but I’m going to give this one a chance.”
Look for ways to guide the conversation towards your positive qualities. You want to mention them without lingering on them; the idea is to “plant seeds” rather than blab about yourself.
Travel is an excellent topic to move the conversation towards. If you’ve seen some interesting parts of the world, talking about it makes you seem worldly, sophisticated and adventurous—all qualities that women like. A man who travels is a man who can take her places.
To get on the subject of travel, simply wait for an opening, then slip in sentence that references one of your travel experiences.
Her: “So do you like your job?”
You: “I love what I do, but I’m so looking forward to getting back to Italy when I take my next vacation. I’ve visited a lot of countries but Italy is my favorite, I’ll have to show you my pictures sometime…”
You are now off the topic of jobs—a subject that naturally elevates our stress levels—and moved onto the exciting subject of international travel. You get to tell her about your experiences in an exotic destination. (If you spent the whole time getting wasted and chasing women, omit those details.)Talk about the interesting things you saw, the food, the funny details you noticed about the culture. Spark her imagination. Paint the picture. Allow her to visualize it.
Keep it brief, hit the high points, and make it clear how much you love traveling and mention the places you plan to visit in the future. She’ll bethinking about what it would be like to join you.
If you haven’t visited any exciting foreign cities or countries, it means you need to do some preparation before your next mission, or your next date, if you’re wondering what to talk about on a date. Think of some places you’d love to visit someday, the more exotic the better. Research them on the Internet. Learn some facts and background.
The next time you’re in mid-conversation with a female, you say “I’m thinking about buying a ticket to (insert country), I hear it’s beautiful this time of year. Have you ever done that—just bought a plane ticket on a whim, and gone somewhere totally different?”
The basic effect is the same. You’re establishing that you’re not like most guys; you’re worldly, spontaneous, and want to experience other places and cultures. Her brain registers this. You’ve placed yourself in a category above the average unsophisticated guy, most of whom don’t even own a passport.
Using Creative Phrasing When You Talk To Girls
The average guy feels awkward about approaching girls because he worries his opening lines will sound obvious and cliché. He doesn’t have anything clever to say and knows he’ll have to resort to something along the lines of “So, do you come here often?”
Once you’ve made your three-point intro, you can start the conversation with a simple question along those lines. The trick lies in how you phrase it. We refer to this concept as “Creative Phrasing.” This means re-wording the question so that it sounds fresh and original, and prompts her to give thoughtful response.
If she’s well dressed—this could be as simple as a nice-fitting pair of jeans—compliment her on her outfit. Attractive women take great care with their appearance. If you spent two hours at the mall shopping for the outfit you’ve got on, and spent an hour getting your hair just right, wouldn’t you want to be noticed? Wouldn’t it feel nice to have a stranger recognize the time and effort you put into how you look? There is no reason to feel shy about paying a girl an original compliment.
The key is to be specific. If she’s wearing an eye-catching skirt, blouse, or shoes, or has an stylish purse, single out that aspect and compliment it. Never compliment her on how beautiful she is. That is a deadly cliché which attractive women hear on a daily basis from over-aggressive guys. Tell her she has great style instead. No woman ever gets tired of hearing that.
Attach a question to the compliment, and you’ll open the door to conversation. “I just wanted to tell you that I noticed your outfit. I love that color on you. I’m just curious—where did you get that dress?”
If the girl is fashion-conscious, which is very likely the case, then it’s a subject she enjoys talking about. Chances are she’ll tell you where she bought it. If she wonders why you asked, tell her you need to shop for a birthday present for a girl you work with, and thought that the item you noticed (purse, skirt, shoes, etc.) might be a good gift.
This compliment/question accomplishes a number of things. You’re showing that you noticed a specific detail about her, while most guys only stare at her body; that you appreciate good style; and that you have female friends, and are thoughtful enough to buy them birthday gifts. What woman would be turned off by those qualities?
Now that the door is open to a conversation, you’re going to act casual and nonchalant. But remember, everything you say from this point forward is calculated. You are going to pose questions, give answers, and guide the conversation with an “invisible hand.”
If you are in a nightclub/bar, do not offer to buy her a drink at this stage. It may seem like the natural thing to do, but it’s too soon for you to lay out cash. First, you need to get things flowing and determine whether this girl, regardless of how good she looks, is worth your time and money.
You are the Mack, and the Mack is the one in charge of the encounter. Adopt the mindset that it is yours to continue, or cancel. You can always move on to the next.
Questions should be creatively phrased to avoid giving her the option of a simple “yes” or “no” answer. You want her to open up and talk, not respond with a single word. Relating this principle to law enforcement, there is a trick that cops use when they’re trying to get a crook to spill the beans.
Let’s say a cop suspects a guy of robbing a house on Main Street last night around midnight. The wrong way to phrase the question would be, “Were you on Main Street last night at midnight?” This allows the suspect to simply answer “no” and leave it at that. It is an easy question to dodge.
The more effective question is always, “Where were you last night at midnight?” Note the difference. Now the crook is forced to elaborate and come up with an explanation. He may hesitate (which indicates guilt), or he may be forced into a lie (which can be turned against him).
Not that you’ll ever want to take an “interrogation” tone with women, but understand the difference between asking a yes/no question, and encouraging a more thoughtful response.
Cliché question: “So do you come here often?”
Mack question: “You seem like a girl who has her finger on the pulse of this town. Tell me your top three spots when you go out on the weekends.”
Negotiators constantly use Creative Phrasing with hostage takers. One example is how a Negotiator will never use the word “gun.” Instead of saying, “I need you to lower that gun,” he’ll say “I need you to lower that thing.”
Why? Because the word “gun” carries violent connotations that might make the hostage taker more excitable.
Calling it a “thing” diminishes the weapon’s power.
Apply the same principle when a girl talks about her boyfriend or ex-boyfriend. Never refer to him by his name; refer to him as “that guy,” thereby diminishing his significance. He is not an actual person to you. He is a figment of the past, not even worth discussing.
HER: “My ex, John, was such a lying bastard. We were engaged to be married and I found out he was sleeping with my best friend.”
YOU: “It sounds like that guy didn’t deserve you, but I know you’ve moved on and you’ve got a lot of cool things going on. I actually want to hear more about your dog, I’ve been thinking about getting a pet but I’m not sure if a dog or a cat is the way to go…”
Note: Get a woman on the subject of her pets, and watch her start smiling and chatting away…
Conversation Secrets: What To Say About JOBS
A standard question women will ask is, “So what do you do?”(Especially if you’re in a big city like New York or Los Angeles, where people tend to be career-oriented.)
As a Mack, you’re not the average guy. This means you don’t give standard answers to standard questions. You should always put an original spin on things and maintain a power position.
Say with a playful smile, “I’ll tell you what I do, since you asked, but if I answer then you have to answer one of my questions.”
(A good question to then ask her: “So tell me something about yourself that most people would never suspect.”)
Then, answer her question quickly by simply telling her what industry or field you work in. Do not launch into an explanation of what your job entails; this sounds self-centered and might bore her. If you have a lofty-sounding job title, such as Executive Vice President of something or other, don’t bother mentioning it.
If she is genuinely interested in hearing specifics about your job or career, she will ask. This is when you can go into more detail.
If you have a job that is less than impressive, don’t lie; just mention the general industry. The succinct answer lets you move off the topic and on.
What to Talk About With a Girl: The Smooth Way To Do it
In a lot of cases, it’s not so much about the words that come out of your mouth — it’s how you deliver them. Even if you know what pickup lines to say but you lack the confidence on how to approach women, then it’s useless.
Girls are quite observant, they know whether you are simply trying to impress them or you are sincere with your words. Guys should know how to talk to girls and here is how men should do it.
• Communication is actually 95% nonverbal; it means that girls observe your body language, your tone, posture and eye contact. All these things convey messages more often than not; your words do not match your nonverbal cues. So no matter what you say, your actions will do most of the talking. As they say, actions speaks louder than words, it does not matter whether you are this or that…if you cannot lead a good conversation then she would not find you very interesting.
• Women hate short answers to her long questions. Guys are logical while women are emotional. If you are used to answering questions in logical level, then this in not the way to talk to girls. So avoid question-answer or action-response type of conversation.
• Most girls would love to know that their guys are passionate about. During the course your conversation, girls are trying to screen out the real you. It actually does not matter what things are you passionate about; it could be sport, food or anything! What she wants to see in you is the emotional connection towards one particular thing. Women relate this attitude to what could be your behavior in the bedroom. A dry and boring conversation could mean that you are boring in bed too.
• When you go to a girl and start spewing random words, it shows you are real. You can talk about anything and you have the level of confidence to talk to someone who has her level of beauty. You are not trying to impress her by just saying the right things. What you are actually offering her is a real and authentic conversation.
Now that you know how to talk to a girl, we can move on to the next step: making her feel sexually attracted to you. Click the image below and we’ll email you a FREE “attraction blueprint” from the seduction masters at M.A.C.K. Tactics.